Because We Already Know Who All Gon’ Be There

Knowing the genuine cordiality and friendship that formed between the Obamas and the Carters over the years (no, not Shawn and Beyoncé), I can admit to being a tad bit curious last week at not seeing our forever First Lady alongside President Obama during the official celebrations honoring the life and legacy of President Jimmy Carter.

As I watched the globally broadcasted ceremony however—which focused just as much on three of the last four American presidents actively ignoring the nation’s newly elected leader as it did on the impressive achievements of Georgia’s most multi-dimensional peanut farmer—it became apparent that our good auntie had likely been made privy to the funeral seating chart, and decided that there was no way that she was going to subject herself to the performative minstrelsy of friendly banter with the felon who spent eight years rallying a rabid fringe of racists with conjecture and lies that endangered her family.

Obviously, there has been a lot of commentary suggesting that while forced to render adult supervision during the solemn event, President Obama’s graciousness (to a geriatric curmudgeon who couldn’t define grace if Elon Musk texted the meaning to his Jitterbug phone) was more specifically centered around duty and responsibility as an alumnus of the presidency than any affinity for that man, but other strong opinions on the webosphere point to the baked in scrutiny that comes with being black—especially in seats of prominence—in America as driving the necessity for civility. The gag however, is that our good auntie has doubled down on her disappearing acts. By conveying that she won’t be spending Martin Luther King, Jr. Day at the inauguration of the 47th president of the United States, she’s made it abundantly clear that she will not be held hostage by the implied requirements imposed on former presidents, especially if they are at the sacrifice of her well won peace.

I must say this full-stop positioning is giving standard-bearer for the 92%, and I love that for her. Since leaving 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Mrs. Obama has been walking in the kind of freedom that has not only made people double take, but also marvel at her considerably less subtle demeanor while appreciating her relegation of the code switch.

And as we transition into this return to purgatory with a new supporting cast, I believe this approach to standing on business and not offering anyone a reason other than because I said so, is the type of self-preservation we should all be aspiring toward.