It’s a timeless tale.
You Meet.
You Engage.
You Toil.
You Diverge.
You Fallout.
You Disconnect.
Oftentimes as humans, when we find ourselves at our wits end from either a personal or professional association, we begin to look for signs and clues to indicate where things could have gone wrong and further, to warrant or justify our desire to transition. But the fact of the matter is that those indicators have typically been there in plain view all the time, we’ve just been too absorbed or distracted to notice.
Of those indicators, there are usually three telltale signs to hone in on that will alert us (well in advance) to the toxic tendencies of those whom we find ourselves in relationship with who see us as valuable so long as it benefits them.
Lure, woo and observe
This set of moves is usually the person’s attempt to engage us while also assessing the things about us that they can use to their advantage later. With this behavior, we typically experience flattery of epic and unreasonable proportions for the situation. We’re also made to feel as if our connection was the long-lost piece of their intricate puzzle.
Shame, Intimidate and Discredit
As time goes on, a disagreement will ultimately test the limits that we’ve established within this relationship. After attempting to reinforce our boundaries, we may find that we’ve been painted as over-reactors or worse, are made to feel as if our concerns are not only not valid, but not important enough to warrant addressing.
Reject and Dismiss
At this point, with a line drawn in the sand, our outspokenness (and hence our usefulness) has been determined outlived. Because we have our own mind and are not easily swayed by the things that we cannot abide by, we are seen as dissidents and are therefore easily ignored and scorned.
While this apparent 180-degree shift in behavior of someone we might love or respect may be profoundly hurtful, what it should confirm is that our sense of self and whom it is that we embody is worthy of respect. Identifying these deficiencies and eliminating them from our lives is what makes us powerful and deserving of connections built on trust, equity and purpose, not manipulation, usury and mistreatment.
