I’m a believer.
Yet,
I’m tired.
I’m afraid.
I’m overwhelmed.
I’m demoralized.
I’m infuriated.
I’m conflicted.
Everyday as a mother of black children and the wife of a black man, my prayers of provision, protection and prevention scroll through my head in HD with all the possibilities that I am interceding against.
My messages to “be careful” and to “text me when you get there” are incessant and non-negotiable.
Nightly slumber does not embrace me, until all persons belonging to this household finally return safely from their previous destinations.
In offices and boardrooms, I’m praised for my diction and subject/verb agreement (which has been NORMAL for me and the peers who look like me since at least age 8) while bearing the load of the code-switching assimilator with grace and a muted smile.
But that’s the point, isn’t it?
To terrorize us. To traumatize us. To trigger us. And finally, to desensitize us into a life of systemic compliance.
What we are all witnessing is a continued supremacy that’s goal is to normalize indifference.
A superiority complex that was designed to classify a woman as chattel or designate a man’s humanity as 3/5ths, NOT because of any proven deficiencies, but because it otherwise elevated whiteness.
A justified psychology that it is somehow acceptable to create a hierarchy of “betters” and “less thans” based solely on the CONTRIVED construct of race (Shorter: a group of bullies making up rules for why they are better than everyone else and no one challenging it because hell, bullies bully).
The gag is, lots of people who benefit from this configuration have had and will continue to have a difficult time understanding the necessity of its deconstruction; of desiring its dismantling. Which in the words of Dr. Jane Elliott means that they know what is happening (to black people) but they don’t want it for themselves.
And THAT is where the soul searching must begin. It now becomes a choice between the convenience of comfort or the morality of equity. Change, or business as usual. The red pill or the blue.
And having said all that, In 2020 people that are black shouldn’t still have to beg not to be killed because they are seen as a threat first and a human second (if at all). But here we are.
Black Lives Matter
P.S. If you’re like me, then you already know that this walk can sometimes be both debilitating and painful.
To help, here is this conflicted Christian’s guide to seeking God in the face of cultural crisis:
• Romans 12:9 (Vengeance belongs to God)
• 2 Chronicles 7:13-14 (God will forgive and heal the land IF His people seek repentance and humility)
• Isaiah 55:8-9 (God’s ways and thoughts aren’t like ours)
• Joshua 24:15 (Today is the day to make the choice of serving God or servicing the legacy of your forefathers)
• John 13:34 (Love one another the way that God loves you)
